Before The Breakthrough
Life before the breakthrough can be intense. Days can flow together, feeling like it's a never-ending Groundhog Day. Some days or moments can feel euphoric as you sense what's coming bubbling up from below the surface. And many other days can feel like sheer frustration, like life is moving at a snail's pace and you want to crawl out of your skin. This energy is actually good! It means you’re expanding. Resist the urge to fight it and learn how to surrender to the flow of what is happening for you.
Despite the good that is happening behind the scenes energetically of God/Source/Universe rearranging things perfectly for us to fall into alignment, these days are the hardest. My current reality feels like this. Please understand that if it feels annoying, you’re likely doing it right. Keep going! So many people will stop right before the magic happens. Do not give in to your inner negative dialogue - this will be a daily practice; some days it will be throughout the whole day! This is also a note to myself as I navigate my current landscape.
On the low days, I may find myself laughing and singing and living in the light, only to have something trigger me and throw me right back down to earth, where I’m mired in sadness, tears, grief, and hopelessness. It’s very important that you let yourself FEEL all of these feelings while trying to remember that these intense feelings of despair ARE NOT REAL. They are merely trying to let you know what still needs to come up for acknowledgment, healing, and what needs to be released. I like to write what no longer energetically fits for me on a piece of paper and set it free; either I burn it (safely), or tear it up and throw it away to help me symbolically let go. Please know, you are not defined by how you feel or what comes up. You are purging to make space for the newness of YOU.
There have even been some occurrences where the pain was too much, and I’ve tried to pivot so hard and impulsively to make some new change or choice to try and fill the void in my heart and soul. Only to later regret and fall on my face because that decision to pivot was not in my best interest. If I had stopped to meditate and marinate on these changes, I would have realized I was acting on impulse and ego. I should have allowed myself time and space to sit with the deeper root cause of why I felt the need to try to change so fast. Please let yourself be still for as long as you can to soothe the deep impulse energy within you, so you don’t have to scramble to course-correct later. Because unfortunately, you will sometimes have to learn the lesson the hard way, and you won’t always be able to come back from a bad decision.
I’m currently doing my best to hunt the good stuff and stay grounded in gratitude. I’m creating new routines with my work, creativity, and physical health to strengthen my foundation so that when the breakthrough happens, I’m better equipped to handle the energy and magnitude of what is coming. I’m doing my best to live as the person I want to become. But boy oh boy does this feel icky and super uncomfortable at times.
As someone with a lot of Air energy in my birth chart, I want to move fast and change things up at a moment's notice. And happily, most of my life has been this way. The last decade of my life, however, with me getting sick and working hard to crawl my way out of that black hole, has slowed me down to an uncomfortable pace. The important thing is that I let myself be in that space and worked on just surviving and learning new tools to help me cope. Shout-out to my husband, who has worked hard to provide us with all we have, so I could stop and stand still to let myself heal. This has been one of his greatest gifts to me. I’ll forever be thankful.
Rebirth is hard. Finding your way back home to you is hard. Staying stuck in the same energies that kept me small is hard. Right now I’m choosing my hard - which is to grow, evolve, and expand.
What people don’t tell you about self-love and shadow work is that it's a solitary path. No one can help you, and no one can save you from the darkest aspects of yourself. That sitting in the shitstorm of your life and making peace and friends with your shadow is actually the most loving thing you can do for yourself. It can also feel intensely isolating and sad. But when you learn to sit in the darkness without anyone else, you evolve in a way that will not allow you to go backward…for anyone or anything. It’s powerful AF, transformative, and deeply sad as you grieve your old identity, old people, places, and things that have fallen away because they are no longer on the same page as you. This is a form of ego death. The fire has reshaped you, and you come out a different human than who you were before. To actualize your highest timeline, it’s imperative that you let this happen.
The hardest part of my healing journey is done. Over. Finito. Which feels wild to say and experience. I got so comfy in my darkness that coming out of it feels, well, weird. I no longer know who I am without being sick and depressed. My essence is the same; it’s just expanded. I am actively relearning who I am, what I like, what I want, and what I tolerate. This has been an interesting chapter of my life. Also, trying to make friends and find new people who resonate with my new vibration has also been a journey. The Universe has gifted me a few people who have arrived at just the right time, but it has been few and far between. I’m grateful and counting my blessings for those beautiful souls who choose to walk beside me.
But living in the grey space before the breakthrough…oof, has felt FRUSTRATING. I have grieved about who I was and where I was, and I feel done with that energy for the most part. I’m SO excited to step into who I am and where I’m going. The energy feels…MAGICAL. But I’m in the waiting space, which feels painfully S..L..O..W., and I’m feeling restless and stir crazy being ‘patient’ for what I know is coming. I keep focusing on what I’m birthing and taking daily active steps forward each day.
So what I would tell anyone outside myself, asking how to navigate this period, is to make peace with, and be friends with, the grey. Romanticize your new normal and the new you that is becoming. Get outside in nature, be one with the birds and trees. Move your body to help you work through all the energy inside you through a workout, dancing, massage, or all of the above. Share your thoughts with your journal, a trusted and safe loved one, or a professional therapist or counselor. Energy work has helped me tremendously. Reiki, sound healing, the Akashic Records. There are so many energetic healing modalities these days. Choose something that resonates with you. Scream or sing to activate your throat chakra, or use art: painting, drawing, crafting as a release. Document it all to share or to have as a reference when you and your new energy finally burst through to the other side. Dial up your meditation and quiet moments to help you drown out the noise of your inner impatient critic and outside opinions. Create new hobbies you have wanted to try in the past but haven’t had the time or space to do so. Have FUN creating your new YOU. The timing of your renewal isn’t the problem; it’s your ego thinking it has to happen RIGHT NOW. As someone currently living this exactly right now, I say this with love. Your ego isn’t always your amigo.
Deep breath, inhale and exhale. There is no need to rush. Enjoy this moment like you would a soothing stroll along the beach or in the forest. There is nothing to worry about, because you, my love, are exactly right on time.
With love,
Ifoma ✨
The Self Love Files is the ultimate guide to rebuilding your self-love foundation to help you become the best, most sparkly version of yourself. Born out of a deep dive into shadow work of self-healing, Ifoma Genevieve recognized the need to strengthen her foundation of self and relearn how to be her own best friend.
All shadow work is difficult, made more so without a foundation of self-love and acceptance. Throw into the mix of comparison, and other people’s opinions, and you have a perfect storm to foster anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and self-worth. Ifoma knew that breaking this cycle, change had to come from within.
In the Self Love Files, you’ll learn why Self Love is monumental in changing your life, why it is non-negotiable if you want to level up in life, and why it is the foundation for our human growth, Period. We can only be our best and whole selves when we are willing to look at our light, dark and everything in between. The Self Love Files is a guide back to your authentic, loving self. You were born to thrive. Give yourself permission to fly!
